So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
