i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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