Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
