I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize