just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
