My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
