My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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