They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
