weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
