I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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