I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
