At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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