Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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