Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He uses pillows to masturbate.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
