I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
