We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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