I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
