Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
