all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
