Will you blow on my dice?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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