also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
