At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
