I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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