Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
