there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
