I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
