Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
