I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
