He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize