the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize