Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
