i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
