A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You dont lie about slip and slides
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
