Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize