i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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