I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
