So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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