I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
