using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
