names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
