Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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