real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
