my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just gift wrapped bread.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
