What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
