I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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