She announced her abortion via fbk
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
