he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
