My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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