"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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