They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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