I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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