I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
