In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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