When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
