He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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