I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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