He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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