i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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