you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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