i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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