just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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