I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Still dying that you shit outside
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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