So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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