I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
